You’ve probably been told at some point in your life that there’s nothing wrong with a little white lie. And in some cases, yes — it’s better to tell your sister-in-law that her new haircut looks great rather than start a family war by making a joke about losing a bet with her stylist. (Not saying this from personal experience, obviously…) But when it comes to dating profiles, lying is a big no-no.
As someone who reads dozens to hundreds of bios on dating apps and websites every week, one of the biggest instances of lying comes with regard to age, and it’s not limited to a certain gender. Some people shave a couple of years off their actual number in hopes of attracting a younger partner.
How do I know they’re lying? Well, in many cases, they will actually tell you. Often buried toward the bottom of the profile, they might write something like, “My real age is a few years older than what I’ve listed, but I feel younger than I am because I’m active and healthy” or “I’m actually 5 years old than I’ve said here, but I’m hoping to circumvent filters and appear in more search results.” Worse yet, some claim — I suspect often falsely — that they “can’t figure out to fix their age.” (So… you were thinking about lying about your age then decided to tell the truth? Hmm… Also, it’s pretty easy to fix your age on Bumble anyway, so they’re actively choosing not to.)
Even if you come clean in a few paragraphs or on the first date, you have to reveal your biological age at some point, and a lie (or even a partial truth) is a lie. While you might get more people (more just younger people) coming to your profile and reading your bio, it’s an immediate red flag because you’re showing that you’re okay with being deceptive if it gets you what you want. The person might think, “What else are they lying about or exaggerating in their profile? Are their photos a couple of years old? Are they also adding a few inches to their height? Do they really live in that town?” And why wouldn’t they think so — if you’re willing to lie about your age, who knows where the line is drawn?
No matter the intention, by lying about your age, what you’re doing — consciously or not — is disrespecting someone else’s preferences by tricking them into swiping right on you. While I do believe that you’re only helping yourself by expanding your search criteria — whether it’s by distance, the person’s height, age, or any other factor that is slightly negotiable — that should always be by choice, not manipulation… and make no mistake, that’s what this is. You’re essentially saying, “Your preferences are wrong and I will not respect them.”
Age is just a number, it’s true, so it’s a shame that so many people are missing out on potential connections because of this search criteria. I think we all know couples in our lives who have significant age gaps and are perfectly happy. However, getting someone to read your profile, message you, or even start a romantic connection based on a lie is just a terrible start to a relationship, full stop. Lying is, at best, a turn-off and, at wors,t a complete dealbreaker — and understandably so.
No one likes being misled, so don’t be the one doing the fooling… or you’ll have to pay for it later.
Yes lying about your age isn’t good but get real as a woman of a certain age , perceptions of age never change. Men can get away with more when it comes to real age, not women
Why if I lie, saying I’m 49 but am really 50? When my 51st birthday came around my fella and his family spoilt me with gifts and hotel spa break, thinking it was my 50th birthday. Do I admit my lie?
I met a young man on line who lied about his age by a large gap. I fell in love with him and our connection was very strong. I literally have never met anyone like him. He started feeling guilty and confessed his real age. I was upset and disappointed but still wanted to be with him. He says he did it because of his desire to date only older women no one would give him a chance so he lied for that reason so that I’d get to know him. Admittedly, he’s more mature than a lot of men my age. I’m fact the most mature and emotionally balanced man I’ve met. But he lied. Im so confused because I feel tricked into loving this man. I can’t tell my family nor my friends because I am embarrassed that I got tricked. Plus if I stay with him they will always think that he has an agenda.
Going through the same thing right now, don’t know what to do or think! Did you stay with him? What happened if you don’t mind me asking?
Any type of lie isn’t good, whether it is about your age or anything else. Relationship must begin with everything truth there is. The reason is that whatever lies you told your partner during dating will one day be exposed and your partner won’t like it.
You can lie and if the person doesn’t like you enough to excuse the lie when it eventually comes to light then they weren’t right for you long term anyway. Any good relationship that was meant to be would survive something trivial like that, age is just a number.