July 22, 2011
I’d like a large pie with extra cheese, mushrooms, sausage, and broccoli. 
But make sure the cheese is covering the whole pizza because I don’t like baldness, and actually, why don’t you hold the sausage? I’d like someone who doesn’t eat processed meat. And while you’re there, make sure those mushrooms are well-educated, like maybe with a master’s or PhD. And as for the broccoli, can you make sure it’s a certain height because I only want it if it’s tall. Could I get that to go? Thanks.
Someone recently told me that online dating was like ordering a pizza. At first I laughed at that analogy, then I cringed, and then I realized that he was right. We are all looking for that on-paper perfect mate. And since online dating sites give so much choice in the matter, we think it’s our right to have everything we’re looking for. Now, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with wanting certain things – I did – but what if someone out there looks good but doesn’t necessarily fit all of those objective criteria. What’s a single to do? I’d venture to say – try ‘em out anyway.
When we walk into a bar and see someone we like, that guy or girl doesn’t have a chart attached to his or her forehead full of credentials, stats, and dislikes. (Wouldn’t that be a pretty funny sight?!) We trust our instincts; we go with chemistry. But online, we have so much information that it’s almost too easy to discard someone simply because he is only 5’5 or she has a fondness for US Weekly rather than the latest issue of The Economist. (I’m not saying I know anyone like that. ;))
I was chatting with someone recently who met her boyfriend at a climbing wall. They had known each other for a while, and ironically enough, when they eventually started dating, he came up as one of her matches on OkCupid that week. She looked at his profile and said, “I would have never gone out with him after reading this.” I guess she thought she was in the mood for a pizza with the works, but in reality, what she wanted was much simpler – plain cheese.
So, go ahead, order whatever you want for dinner tonight, but when it comes to dating, there’s no check-box order to place. Give people the benefit of the doubt because in the end after meeting in person, chemistry may trump all to give you the slice of your life.
Got burning questions you’d like answered in a future blog post? E-mail date411@alittlenudge.com
good article, we can all be so fussy, and when it comes to being a disabled person i found out i was fussy too. Frtunately i met my wife the old way, at community functions that met our common interest
Beautiful article. I really wish that (in my case) all women would read this. The very premise of what she is discussing has been my nightmare in dating. I could comment “date-by-date” but I won’t but I have witnessed pretty much everything discussed in this article — and more. In the summer of 2011 I went on 6 dates and not one has gone anywhere and it seems that each date was a chance for a free dinner. It matters little that I am in great health, educated, and make very good money. I am 49, slender, have a house and I am not bad looking but I am not Mr. GQ. I’ve never gotten a second call. One gal lasted two weeks and I really thought we would hit it off but I ended receiving the ole text dumping me. My opinion is that many women watch too my reality tv and expect whatever they’ve been fed from these shows. I don’t know. I just went on a date last Thursday and one of the first comments from this woman was how “my Fiat looks like a toy that she would give her nephew’s and niece’s as a toy for Christmas”. A buddy of mine’s wife told me that she “is looking for money and a nicer car”. She must be right because I haven’t heard from her.
Just from reading, I can tell right off the top of my head a few reasons why the dude commenting above me is having trouble –
He thinks this
“It matters little that I am in great health, educated, and make very good money”
means he doesn’t have to try to appeal to women, either through personality or through that good old-fashioned “chemistry” (while we women usually have to knock ourselves out to look good for men – and then they complain about how much time, money, and energy we spend at the gym, on the wardrobe, and in the bathroom), and
all the complaining about the “free dinners”? He doesn’t have the imagination to invite a lady to a free concert at Lincoln Center (I love dudes who lead with their money, and then complain about “gold diggers”)
– and all the complaining about his age? Is he asking anyone out that’s over, say, 25 …?
/just guessing