December 12, 2017
This one is mainly for the ladies…
You’re swiping through Bumble. You see a really cute guy (or gal). You swipe right. You match!! You message him (on Bumble, the woman has to write first)… only to get no response. The 24-hour period where responses are allowed is up, and—poof—your match goes away just as quickly as he got there.
The question is this: If someone looked at your picture, presumably liked what he saw, and then swiped right, isn’t he interested enough to write something back? Let’s look at six reasons why he may not reply to you:
- Your message didn’t cut it.
Keep your first message short, sweet, and end it with a question. Just remember that anything is better than “Hey,” or “What’s up?” because the only response to these is “Hey” and “nothing”/“not much,” respectively. Boringville!
The best way to write a message is to reference something in his profile. So, if he says, “I’m an avid ping pong player,” you can say, “Ping pong, huh? I can’t say I’m avid like you are, but I bet I could give you a run for your money in tennis. Do you play?”
Sometimes, though, the other person doesn’t write a profile that provides any “message bait” (something interesting and unique for you to use in your message), so here are a few examples for when no “message bait” is provided:
- Sunday priorities: exercise, sleep in, or eat unlimited pancakes?
- *Pizza emoji* or *sushi emoji*?
- If you had nothing to do today, would you rather go running or binge watch something on Netflix… or both?
- He’s not that attracted to you (sorry) and swiped right on everyone.
It’s true—some men, knowing how discerning most women are, simply swipe right on everyone to see every single person who likes them in return. They leave no stone unturned this way. So, they may not be interested in 1) dating at all, 2) everyone they swiped on, or 3) even looking at the matches once they come through. This could just be a game to them.
- He’s busy.
That TPS report was due today! He has to call his mom for her birthday! He went to the dentist to have a root canal (ouch). Sometimes people are just busy.
- He forgot.
Along the lines of being busy, sometimes people look at their matches, say they’re going to write later, and then simply forget. If someone likes you enough, though, he’ll remember to write back.
- His app isn’t sending him notifications.
I don’t know about you, but I have different notification settings for different apps. (I have no interest in my weather app telling me every time there’s a little drizzle outside! That’s what windows are for.) Some people don’t have their notifications set for the dating apps, meaning they have to actively open the app to check messages. Not everyone does.
- He swiped right without reading your profile or looking at all of your pictures, but when he did, he was no longer interested.
Sadly, this is probably the most likely scenario. He saw your first picture. You’re really attractive! You match—yay! You write to him, assuming he liked what he saw. Then, when he gets your message, he reads your profile and/or looks at the other pictures and decides, for one reason or another, that he’s just not that into you. Women often use all of the information they’re given (profile, pictures, etc.) up front and only swipe right on those they want to talk to. Men, not so much.
The moral of all of this? Don’t take someone’s lack of response personally. We never know why he replies or doesn’t, even if he has seemingly expressed interest. Just take it all with a grain of salt, keep swiping, and know that the right person for you will reply… and want to meet.
I think it will be good for you at Online Relation because it has rules for making friends and chatting with them.
What if multiple people aren’t responding? Is it me or something technical?
Anything is possible. Happy to chat if you want to sign up for a consultation.
As a guy who uses bumble reason 2 is the most accurate for me. It’s true, I want to know what kind of girls are interested in me even if I have no interest in them. It’s a necessity to know what kind of girls are in my league and this is the most reliable way to find out
Did you find anything unexpected? And if you ultimately are not interested in someone, did you unmatch her?
It’s stupid Jake. You sound desperate and like you have really low self esteem. Get it together.
Let’s be honest here. Most of you women swipe left on 80% of those guys and don’t respond to a large percentage of your matches because you have a quantity to choose from. Why are you upset when a guy in the top 20% of guys doesn’t respond to you. The top 20% of guys are getting all the matches on dating apps and are kind of doing what you’re doing. If you want a guy to respond to you, maybe try and lower your standards a bit. If not, then stop complaining like you’re a 4 year old in preschool.
I have super stereotypically sexy/cute photos, (5’10”, body of a supermodel, blond) and send thoughtful, interesting first messages about specific things in their profile (just like your article states) and I’m ignored by every guy I write. But on Hinge and Tinder, I get messages like crazy! Men sending messages over and over. I feel the masculine-feminine energy is reversed on Bumble. Men are no longer the pursuers and so it makes them lazy and bored.
Hi
Agree with you. I have the same problem. Blonde, cute/sexy, smart, funny. No responses at all!!!!
And in ‘my search ‘ I get only people I don’t fancy at all
Where on a hinge or other apps- hundreds of likes and sea of messages
What’s wrong with bumble
I only get replies from girls if I set bff mode only
or another reason, guys are pursuers, and bumble makes them lazy and passive, not able to be truly interested in a girl that is doing all the work. I’ve used numerous dating apps, getting up to 100 messages per day!! Bumble it’s always nothing! No matter how interesting my initial message and attractive pics/profile, guys can’t get interested in woman they aren’t pursuing first!!
I find that really strange. For myself I’ve been using Bumble for several weeks. A lot of the women who I match with either never send or message or they send a generic message such as “How are you” or “What do you like to do” etc. Rarely do I get matches where the other person is really engaged and putting effort in their responses. When they do it is fun and I look forward to checking my notification.
very interesting point indeed… didn’t realize it.. but it’s true…
There is actually a psychological study about how the first one to approach gives the other one the feeling of power over the person who approached who is more vulnerable. This is why I don’t like Bumble.
I totally think this is it!! I have extremely hot pics that get a lot of attention on other apps. On Bumble, it’s nothing! And I send very interesting opening messages.
I’ll be talking to someone and even set a date to go out and then all of a sudden, no replying. I’m patient and wait because people do have lives outside of online apps, or I’ll match up with someone and greet them and don’t get passed that. But it’s not just online dating, it’s often texting too. I get fed up beyond belief. I don’t know what to do, because I really need someone in my life right now and when I do start talking to someone I have to hope and pray that they don’t ghost me like everyone else.
There’s a lot to say here. First, it’s sad and frustrating when people ghost. It’s a “them” problem, not a “you” problem. That said, don’t go into situations thinking it’s going to happen because you’ll behave differently, and then it’ll be a self-fulfilling prophesy.
Now, all that said, you mentioned you “really need” someone in your life right now. This is something to think about. No one can be responsible for your own happiness other than yourself. Especially not a partner.
While I agree with your response, sometimes it’s not about “happiness”. Sometimes it’s need for human connection, human touch, sex. That might be the real need. Sometimes this independent, good head on your shoulders, empowered woman stuff is shite. And to the opposite end, some of the ridiculous, supposedly feminist rhetoric implying women should be loose just seems to make women just go into types of unnatural relationships they don’t really want deep down. Catch 22.
Awww you are soo sweet just like me let’s hope for the right one I’m currently in this situation.
Really good article. But It is kind of sad and frustrating that why just people can’t tell you directly that they are not interested. Thanks for small details.
Number 2 is all that is required for this and reworded
Not: He’s not that attracted to you (sorry) and swiped right on everyone…..
but: He’s not attracted to you.
A guy will never be too busy for a young great looking girl, as rest assured if you’re hot and perky it doesn’t really matter what your hobbies are and what you do…we accommodate for that and are easy going (as long as your not a politically active in the feminist department lol)
So really it’s two things
1. He’s not attracted to you
2. You may be too old for him ( yes despite him being older than you)
Ok Peter Nygard
One of the best ways to get more matches is creating an attractive profile that others can’t resist without swiping right. Add interesting photos that reflect your personality. Use your sense of humor and write an interesting bio. You can also make use of a subscription and make use of their premium features to increase your chances.
I’m a guy and I never reply on Bumble. I’m just silently observing what type of women are interested in me. One thing I realised is that most women replying aren’t the type I would date in real life.
Don’t you think that seems unfair that you’re experimenting on actual people to boost your ego?
I guess you prefer women who wouldn’t actually date you in real life too. Sad…
I think you misunderstood me. In real life, when I first meet someone, you get to feel their energy, their vibe, we have a chit chat and we can a feel for each other and then I ask for her number (that’s if I am attracted to her) and if she gives it to me then later in a few days, I will text her. But in that time there is this anticipation from both sides, there is an element of mystery, wonder.. All these things are absent from dating apps. Both men and more so with women (as they get more matches) are messaging multiple people constantly. There is plenty of choices which makes something to develop with that special person way more hardly.
Also, the women I date in real life are one’s I never match on dating apps – and those are the women to who I am truly attracted to. My understanding is that below-average women are swiping to super hot guys and then they complain why they don’t get a reply. Some of the women I match with, frankly, I would be a little embarrassed to be around them. Surely a below-average guy would love to date them but I think such women tend to reject them guys.
It goes both ways. Women treat men as disposable on online dating so in their mind we aren’t real people we are just words on a screen. Once they shut off their phone or computer screen we dont exist
As a guy I never reply on Bumble as most women I match with aren’t the type I’m attracted too physically..
Then I advise you not to match with them.
Form my experience, Bumble is not as great as it is advertised. I really love a strong woman that knows what she wants, but the semi attractive ones and above, are just too much. They want everything from a guy, but everything , If we were all so perfect why we are using these dating apps. On the other side, i had a good overall profile on Match, but i wasn’t getting any likes from the people i was interested in. My female friends say that i am an 8, and i shouldn’t have such an issue finding someone. I was loosing hope, until i updated my profile by adding my income. In 2 days i got 37 likes and messages. I do not know what to make of it.
Very nice, All the topics are very interesting and helpful. Thank you for providing this information and choosing these helpful and interesting topics. Because everything is possible in this world.
I’m a guy and I never reply on Bumble as most girls I match with are over the age of 35 or out of shape. I fixed the age thing with the filter but there is no weight filter on bumble, even tho there is a height filter for women.
This comment frustrates me beyond belief. First, if you are “matching” with them, that means you have swiped right, which means that you got yourself into that predicament. Don’t swipe right if you’re not interested. Second, change your age filters if you’re looking for someone of a certain age. Last, a weight filter? Do you hear yourself? Just look at a photo and decide if you’re interested. We all have preferences, yes. But the way you state yours would be very unattractive to most women.
Wow, the male shaming is quite sad in your comment. So when men have preferences it’s unattractive to women. Do you know how many women state only over 6’0 on their profile. But if a guy states no over weight women then comes the shaming language. Also do you know how many fat women take close up photos, photos in such a angle that don’t show their true weight until you meet them 🙂 I think you need a reality check and I understand that men value youth and fertility – that is just how we are designed and no amount of shaming language will work on us.
Male shaming? Mate, you SHOULD be shamed of your comment.