September 28, 2017
People write all kinds of things in their profiles because it’s what they think others want to hear.
Let’s take a look at 7 of these and then define what they actually mean.
1. What you say: I’m just as comfortable in a little black dress (or tux) as I am in jeans and a t-shirt.
What you’re trying to say: I can be ready for any occasion so you don’t think I can’t be your date to something important to you.
What we know you really mean: Honestly, I’d rather be in my oversized sweatpants on the couch most nights, but I don’t want you to think I’m a big loser, so I’ll tell you I’m just as comfortable in a tux. The reality? I don’t think I’ve ever worn a tux, and if I have, I definitely didn’t tie my own bow tie.
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2. What you say: I love to laugh and have fun.
What you’re trying to say: I’m easy-going, light-hearted, and I won’t bring drama to the relationship.
What we know you really mean: I want you to think I’m normal and don’t freak out when I’m losing my Bachelor pool or cry when I burn my toast every other morning.
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3. What you say: I’m not looking for a hookup.
What you’re trying to say: I want you to know I’m looking for something serious.
What we know you really mean: I got burned in the past many, many times. I’m really not sure what I’m looking for, but I know that’s not what you want to hear, so I’ll go in the complete other direction even though I could just say nothing at all.
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4. What you say: My friends tell me I’m smart, funny, and attractive.
What you’re trying to say: I’m a good friend, and the people in my life really like me… like really!
What we know you really mean: I think highly of myself, but rather than saying that, I’m going to use my “friends” as a buffer to look humble. Is it working yet?
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5. What you say: I joined this site because one of my friends met someone on here.
What you’re trying to say: I have friends, and we share things with each other.
What we know you really mean: I’m still scared of doing online dating, and I am honestly judging myself, but if I write this, it makes me look like I’m some kind of romantic optimist.
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6. What you say: I work hard and play hard.
What you’re trying to say: I do well financially, but I know when to take a step back.
What we know you really mean: I’m a workaholic, and when I come home, I drink myself into oblivion. Maybe I’ll make time for you, too. Maybe not.
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7. What you say: I take care of myself and want someone else who does, too.
What you’re trying to say: I want someone healthy.
What we know you really mean: I want someone hot.
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Let’s add it all together:
I’m just as comfortable in a little black dress (or tux) as I am in jeans and a t-shirt. I love to laugh and have fun. I’m not looking for a hookup. My friends tell me I’m smart, funny, and attractive. I joined this site because one of my friends met someone on here. I work hard and play hard. I take care of myself and want someone else who does, too.
Sounds dreamy, right? [Insert sarcasm font here.] In the end, none of these lines actually tells us anything about you, and if they do, they only say what you think people want to hear. In the end, say what you mean, mean what you say, and make it something specific. Most people would rather hear about your obsession with buying a new magnet in every state, competitive nature when it comes to puns (oh wait… that’s me!), or your love/hate relationship with the elliptical machine (also me). So, stop writing what you think people want to hear, and write about the true you. That’ll win the dates with the right people, not just the ones who you didn’t either offend or attract since you said something too generic to see the real you.
I don’t think I have read between the lines to this degree… with the exception of #7. Yup, that’s the truth. What bugs me though is when I see something like that in a list, sometimes even numbered, of requirements. The really funny ones are when they add to their list “easy going”. I immediately think, yea, you need an easy going partner because otherwise they would never tolerate you and all of your high and mighty expectations. The exception to a bad list is when they state the obvious things like honest, kind, caring etc.
We are all looking for somebody to spend time with that we admire for their wonderful traits but we also need to have some flexibility or we will be alone forever.
Erika,
You never fail to amaze me, thanks for the insight that gets hidden in words!
Glad you found it insightful!
Thanks for the wit and wisdom, Erika. If everyone hired you, I wouldn’t have to read “As comfortable in my little black dress as I am in jeans” again. I look forward to your take on what “Entrepreneur” means in a profile. A friend contends that it means unemployed or underemployed.
Glad you enjoyed it! As for “entrepreneur,” that could go either way. I am an *actual* entrepreneur, so I’d hate for someone to think that’s a euphemism! I wouldn’t assume anything, but you can always ask what kind of business they run/own/work for. Thanks for reading.